Friday, May 9, 2008

in comparison

i never thought i would still be pregnant right now. i know, i know...i probably jinxed myself, but having my little man 5 weeks early led me to believe that i would have this munchkin early as well. the pregnancies have been almost identical (physically anyway, COMPLETELY OPPOSITE mentally and emotionally speaking) - so identical, in fact, that i should have known this baby was a boy even when they tried to tell me it was a girl. especially since i was convinced it was a girl last time, too. i even said, "SHE HAS A PENIS?!?!" when they told me my little man was a boy. lol. but instead, it's kind of like being pregnant for the first time.

it's hard to believe that sometime in the next 3 weeks (because let's face it, even if they strip my membranes on monday that's no guarantee this monkey's coming out!) i will finally get to hold my little boy, and know that he is forever mine. i never got to connect with my little man that way and more than anything i look forward to holding monkey for the first time and knowing that i will feed him, love him, and nurture him for the rest of his life and that he will call ME mama. i am so grateful that i have been given another opportunity to be a mom. i was always so afraid that it wouldn't happen, and i would never get to have my baby call me mama. but i am also so grateful for the decision i made for my little man, and that i have been blessed with the most fabulous adoptive parents i could have ever asked for. i can't wait to see my little man a few weeks after monkey's arrival. to see him hold his little brother will be a moment i will never forget. and the fact that he will get to acknowledge that he is his little brother is a miracle as well. it's so comforting to know my little man is growing up in a home where openness and honesty are encouraged. making the decision to place him for adoption, while the hardest thing i've ever done, is also the most wonderful thing as well. it taught me so much about myself and others, and helped me become a better person.

this monkey has already brought so much goodness into my life, and he's not even here yet, that i can't even imagine how much is yet to be experienced. i can't wait to see my husband's face the first time he holds our baby, and to experience this journey together.

so come on monkey, and let's get on with it!


Mavity's Mommy said...

Why you gotta make me cry hah???

To answer your question go to

Maternal Mirth said...

Thanks. Sobbing at my desk is soooo professional. And I knew I should have gone with the water-proof mascara today ...