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Thursday, May 15, 2008

everything changes

my life has changed so drastically in the last year that i sometimes hardly recognize it as my own. there is no other time in my life that i remember having gone through so many changes all at once, yet i have never been so happy. i will always remember this pregnancy as being the best (so far) time of my life and i am so thankful for that. throughout my last pregnancy, while i was happy - even oddly so given the circumstances, i was going through the most awful time in my life and giving a baby away at the end of it all didn't help matters much. it took me a while to get my head back, and come to terms with my life up to that point, but i emerged whole, albeit bruised, and ready to grow the fuck up already.

i always said that i would never be able to "try" for my next baby. that it would just have to happen or i'd never do it because i was so afraid of not being able to give this baby everything i couldn't give my little man. so it was a tiny miracle that i did finally get knocked up and allow myself to face all the fears i had about having another child. because as soon as i saw those 2 lines, all the fears i had about being a mom vanished. i know i'm going to be a great mom. i'm going to make mistakes, and i'm okay with that. i have never looked forward to something so much as i am looking forward to watching this little boy grow into a man. a man who, if he's anything like his father, i will be so proud of.

so this is for my boys. my husband, my little man, and to the little monkey that refuses to get out of my belly: thank you so much for loving me, flaws and all, and letting me love you. you boys have changed my life in so many ways, and i am so lucky to have you.

3 comments:

husband said...

and we are so proud of you, and love you more than anything

Mish said...

I will not cry I will not cry I will not cry . . . nope, stupid Phil, put me over the edge . . . damn you!!!!!

MELANIE said...

that is beautiful. i can't wait to see what your monkey looks like :) motherhood rocks!