Saturday, May 30, 2009

good times.

daddy is home for two weeks, we are heading to phoenix tonight for 10 days, having jacob's birthday party with all of his homies tomorrow, and a wedding for our BFF, g-man next weekend. lots of relaxation and tasty beverages to be had. woooooooooo-hooooooooo!

Monday, May 18, 2009

happy 1st birthday, my little monkey!

my darling jacob,

you are 1 year old today, and even though i know this day has been coming for the past 364 days, i still can't quite believe it. it's been a rough month for us, your 12th month of life, and i wish i could write a post about all of the wonderful things you've been up to, but the truth is, daddy left to go work up north at the beginning of the month, and you got sick immediately afterwards.

at first i thought you just had a cold, and i let it go for almost a week. one day we were playing at grandma's and you got a raging fever out of nowhere. i called the doctor the next day, as your fever hadn't subsided all night, and they told me to keep you home unless a number of things happened. unfortunately, all of those things happened, and i had to take you in the next afternoon.

you had been burning up since the day before, and you were unlike i've ever seen you. you wanted nothing but to snuggle with mama, and you looked so sad and forlorn, i could hardly stand it. you whimpered, you cried if i even dared go to the bathroom without you, and i knew for sure that something was wrong. as sweet as you are, you are never content to lie on mama for any more than a millisecond.

the doctor concluded that you had a sinus infection, and because you had a red ring around your butt hole, and had been exposed to tonsillitis, that you had perianal strep. i tried to find information about it on the internet to no avail, but i put you on amoxycillan and hoped that you would be cured.

turns out you have an extreme sensitivity to antibiotics, and had diarrhea almost immediately after the first dose i gave you. by the 4th day, your butt was so red and raw that i could hardly wipe it, and i had to have changed your diaper no less than 25 times by afternoon. after another call to the doctor, we decided to stop the antibiotics and see how you were doing at your 1 year checkup.

although you are noticeably better today, you have pooped on your bedroom floor, in the bathtub, and again at your naked birthday picnic. i am trying to give you as much naked time to allow your butt to heal as possible, but cleaning up diarrhea on fabric surfaces is not my favorite thing to do. =)

since i can't give you birthday cake today, for fear it will upset your tummy even more, i decided what better way to celebrate your 1st birthday than with a naked picnic? this was a great idea, and you absolutely loved crawling around grandma's backyard naked as a jaybird. grandma m was nice enough to put together your cozy coupe we bought you for your big day and you rode around in that, played with your blocks, and even ate a few snackies.

since you've been out of commission, you haven't really tried the walking thing much, but i can say that you are looking more like a little boy every day, and acting like one, too. i am taking you for your first haircut on thursday, and i will be surprised if i don't cry once i see how grown up you look.

having you has made our lives so much better, monkas chunkas. we love you so much, and are thankful every day that you have made us a family. i couldn't ask for a better son, and i am truly blessed to be your mommy, my boy. i can't wait to see what you have in store for us now!

happy 1st birthday, jacob lucas.

i love you more than there are stars in the sky,


Sunday, May 10, 2009

my first mother's day

i feel like the luckiest mama in the world today. i just keep looking at jacob and thanking him for finally making me a mama in the real sense of the word. phil has always been sweet, and acknowledged me on mother's day, because i did, in fact, give birth to another child, but it has always been a bittersweet day for me. he knew it was especially rough for me the first few years, so he would tell me happy mother's day, take me out to lunch, and make me feel special for the day. it was hard, because i felt like i was a mom, if only in the most technical sense. i made a child, brought him into the world, and needed to feel like i wasn't forgotten just because he wasn't with me anymore. phil was always sensitive to that and it just makes me love him all that much more.

it's so different now, because i'm a MOM mom. i feed him, i change his diapers, i wipe snot, clean up puke, bathe him, play, laugh, cuddle, and watch him grow on a daily basis. it makes me grateful that i made the choice i did, so that i get to fully experience motherhood the way it's meant to be experienced. i know if i had kept jacob's older brother that it wouldn't have been that way. and i am glad that i was wise enough to know that at the time. that what i would have been able to give him at the time would never compare to what she could give him. and i was absolutely right. she's amazing and i make sure to celebrate her every year. this year she sent me a mother's day card and a book on baby sign language to celebrate my first mother's day. it nearly brought me to tears.

so, in honor of today, i did the one thing i swore i would NEVER do for the first time ever, and hopefully, but not likely, the last. i licked my thumb and used it to wipe dried snot off of jacob's face. if that doesn't scream motherhood, i don't know what does.


Thursday, May 7, 2009


good news! phil starts a new job on monday. the only catch is that it's about 4 1/2 hours north of here, so he will probably only be home on weekends. but, with things the way they are, i am just grateful that he found work again so soon. it will definitely be an adjustment for the monkey and i, and i HATE being alone, especially at night, but i'm hoping it won't be so bad after a little while.

i'm so glad all of that worrying was for naught! phil hates that i always expect the worse, but the way i look at it, if you always expect the worst you won't be disappointed when it happens, and you will be pleasantly surprised when it doesn't. sounds crazy, but it works for me. and i always know in the back of my mind that things will be okay. maybe not the way i plan them to be, but okay nonetheless.

Monday, May 4, 2009

these boots are made for walkin'...


today marks the day that i have decided to deem, "the day you took your first steps!" over the past few weeks you have been standing on your own. at first it was only for a couple of seconds, but as time goes by you stand for longer periods of time. within the last week you took a step, fell down, and crawled along on your merry way. today, however, you started taking 2, then 3 steps, until finally you took 5 whole steps! i am in no rush for you to be a walker, but i want you to know how very proud your daddy and i are. you continue to amaze me on a daily basis, little man.

smoochy mooch!