Sunday, May 10, 2009

my first mother's day

i feel like the luckiest mama in the world today. i just keep looking at jacob and thanking him for finally making me a mama in the real sense of the word. phil has always been sweet, and acknowledged me on mother's day, because i did, in fact, give birth to another child, but it has always been a bittersweet day for me. he knew it was especially rough for me the first few years, so he would tell me happy mother's day, take me out to lunch, and make me feel special for the day. it was hard, because i felt like i was a mom, if only in the most technical sense. i made a child, brought him into the world, and needed to feel like i wasn't forgotten just because he wasn't with me anymore. phil was always sensitive to that and it just makes me love him all that much more.

it's so different now, because i'm a MOM mom. i feed him, i change his diapers, i wipe snot, clean up puke, bathe him, play, laugh, cuddle, and watch him grow on a daily basis. it makes me grateful that i made the choice i did, so that i get to fully experience motherhood the way it's meant to be experienced. i know if i had kept jacob's older brother that it wouldn't have been that way. and i am glad that i was wise enough to know that at the time. that what i would have been able to give him at the time would never compare to what she could give him. and i was absolutely right. she's amazing and i make sure to celebrate her every year. this year she sent me a mother's day card and a book on baby sign language to celebrate my first mother's day. it nearly brought me to tears.

so, in honor of today, i did the one thing i swore i would NEVER do for the first time ever, and hopefully, but not likely, the last. i licked my thumb and used it to wipe dried snot off of jacob's face. if that doesn't scream motherhood, i don't know what does.



Punky said...

Glad you got to enjoy the day you've always deserved to enjoy sweetums!