look out chicago!

me and the monkey are headed to chicago tomorrow to see my grandmother, probably for the last time. although the circumstances are not the best, i am glad to have a reason that i have to get my butt out there to see the fam. my parents are there as well, helping to take care of my grandma, so it's a bonus that we'll get to see them as well. pizza, portillo's, white castle, and steak n' shake...look out, i'm coming to eat you! YUM!

i'm also excited to spend the 4th of july there, as i used to visit every summer for the 4th of july when i was a teenager. i was back there a few years ago for the 4th, but because my friend had won an all expenses paid trip to see the police play at wrigley, so needless to say, i didn't get to see the fam then. although, as you can imagine, i wasn't all that disappointed given the situation.

i wish phil was coming along, but tickets were too expensive, and he shouldn't take anymore time off work considering it's only june and we've had 2 out of town weddings, 2 months out of work, and now a last minute trip to see my grandma. *sigh* hopefully one day he'll be able to come with and see where i hail from. also? sucks that he won't be able to see monkey enjoy fireworks for the first time, but i think we bought enough that when we get back we'll have loads of fun setting them off in the front yard. yay for living somewhere you can buy fireworks!!!

happy 4th everyone!

p.s. all well wishes in regards to flying alone with the monkey are greatly appreciated. i am dreading every moment. =)

month 13!

hi boo bear,

this nickname is quite possibly the most annoying to date. no clue where it came from, but it's out of my mouth before i can stop it every time!

the most important thing i'd like to discuss with you this month, is that you are growing up entirely too quickly for my liking and i insist you stop it right now! with that said...

this month was a big one! we left for phoenix on may 30th, to go to your uncle g's wedding, and first thing the next day we had your 1st birthday party. most of your friends came and a good time was had by all. you had your first classic toilet paper moment, while i'm a bit ashamed to say, i had no idea where you were, nor was i paying any attention whatsoever. luckily, someone asked me where you were, and we found you in the bathroom surrounded by toilet paper.

you swam, you ate, and just before everyone left, we had cake. grandma and grandpa d got you your own little cake, and everyone else munched on cupcakes with monkeys. you had a blast eating it, and of course later ended up with an upset stomach. fun times.

the next 10 days were a whirlwind of eating, visiting friends, and lots and lots of driving. you did great, except for sleeping, and there were multiple times that i wanted to disown you. every night that your daddy and i went out, no matter what time we came home, you would wake up just as soon as we laid our heads down on the pillow. i finally decided that as soon as we got home, you were crying yourself to sleep no matter what. i had had ENOUGH.

the morning after we got home, i also decided to start weaning you. i figured the time was finally right...no more teeth coming in, daddy was home for a few more days, and i no longer had any reservations. we immediately cut out your two daytime feedings and you handled it like a champ. you started eating better, and you started sleeping thru the night. AMEN AND HALLELUJAH. this weekend when daddy comes home we're going to stop the morning feeding, and as long as mama keeps making milk i will only nurse you at night.

you and i will be going to chicago in a few weeks to visit my grandma. she was recently diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to her brain and we aren't sure how much longer she's going to make it. i swore that i would never fly alone with you again, but considering the circumstances i am making an acception. and i plan on being armed with ten million books, snacks, and a portable dvd player. the fact that i am even considering buying a portable dvd player to fly with a 13 month old should tell you a lot about your excellent behavior on airplanes.

as far as your development goes, you seem to have crossed over into toddlerhood. you started walking on june 1st, the last day we were in phoenix, and daddy and grandma and grandpa d were so glad to have witnessed it. you are clapping, and saying, "wow, woah, and oooh," and respond to certain questions, such as, "would you like some yogurt?" you are drinking milk, out of a 12 month sippy cup without handles, and whenever we go on walks, you always put it back in the cup holder in your stroller. you give hugs and kisses, and love to read books with mama.

you have also started throwing tantrums that make we want to screeeeeam, and i wonder why the hell no one ever warned me it begins this early! you also like to drink your milk at times, and spit it all over the place. this makes me crazier than any other thing you do. i HATE it. you, however, are obviously aware that i hate it and laugh like it's the funniest thing in the world. note to self: will have to practice reverse psychology on that one. you have also started hitting me, and while you don't do it often, you do it enough that i wonder how i will ever deal with your terrible two's and three's. one day at a time, i suppose.

you are handling daddy being gone much better after our trip to phoenix, and i am so relieved. it had an obvious effect on you the first couple of weeks, and sometimes you would wake up at night and we would both end up in tears. during the day i try to keep us busy, whether it be a trip to walmart, or a walk around the track at the community center, because you are always happier while outside or out and about.

people still continue to ask me whether you are always so happy, and to that i say, "boy, do you have them fooled." although you are mostly a happy boy, they have never seen your tantrums. but you still never fail to smile at anyone you walk by, and that is one of the things i love most about you. you are my little charmer, and you make me so proud every day.

love,

mama

good times.

daddy is home for two weeks, we are heading to phoenix tonight for 10 days, having jacob's birthday party with all of his homies tomorrow, and a wedding for our BFF, g-man next weekend. lots of relaxation and tasty beverages to be had. woooooooooo-hooooooooo!

happy 1st birthday, my little monkey!

my darling jacob,

you are 1 year old today, and even though i know this day has been coming for the past 364 days, i still can't quite believe it. it's been a rough month for us, your 12th month of life, and i wish i could write a post about all of the wonderful things you've been up to, but the truth is, daddy left to go work up north at the beginning of the month, and you got sick immediately afterwards.

at first i thought you just had a cold, and i let it go for almost a week. one day we were playing at grandma's and you got a raging fever out of nowhere. i called the doctor the next day, as your fever hadn't subsided all night, and they told me to keep you home unless a number of things happened. unfortunately, all of those things happened, and i had to take you in the next afternoon.

you had been burning up since the day before, and you were unlike i've ever seen you. you wanted nothing but to snuggle with mama, and you looked so sad and forlorn, i could hardly stand it. you whimpered, you cried if i even dared go to the bathroom without you, and i knew for sure that something was wrong. as sweet as you are, you are never content to lie on mama for any more than a millisecond.

the doctor concluded that you had a sinus infection, and because you had a red ring around your butt hole, and had been exposed to tonsillitis, that you had perianal strep. i tried to find information about it on the internet to no avail, but i put you on amoxycillan and hoped that you would be cured.

turns out you have an extreme sensitivity to antibiotics, and had diarrhea almost immediately after the first dose i gave you. by the 4th day, your butt was so red and raw that i could hardly wipe it, and i had to have changed your diaper no less than 25 times by afternoon. after another call to the doctor, we decided to stop the antibiotics and see how you were doing at your 1 year checkup.

although you are noticeably better today, you have pooped on your bedroom floor, in the bathtub, and again at your naked birthday picnic. i am trying to give you as much naked time to allow your butt to heal as possible, but cleaning up diarrhea on fabric surfaces is not my favorite thing to do. =)

since i can't give you birthday cake today, for fear it will upset your tummy even more, i decided what better way to celebrate your 1st birthday than with a naked picnic? this was a great idea, and you absolutely loved crawling around grandma's backyard naked as a jaybird. grandma m was nice enough to put together your cozy coupe we bought you for your big day and you rode around in that, played with your blocks, and even ate a few snackies.

since you've been out of commission, you haven't really tried the walking thing much, but i can say that you are looking more like a little boy every day, and acting like one, too. i am taking you for your first haircut on thursday, and i will be surprised if i don't cry once i see how grown up you look.

having you has made our lives so much better, monkas chunkas. we love you so much, and are thankful every day that you have made us a family. i couldn't ask for a better son, and i am truly blessed to be your mommy, my boy. i can't wait to see what you have in store for us now!

happy 1st birthday, jacob lucas.

i love you more than there are stars in the sky,

mama

my first mother's day

i feel like the luckiest mama in the world today. i just keep looking at jacob and thanking him for finally making me a mama in the real sense of the word. phil has always been sweet, and acknowledged me on mother's day, because i did, in fact, give birth to another child, but it has always been a bittersweet day for me. he knew it was especially rough for me the first few years, so he would tell me happy mother's day, take me out to lunch, and make me feel special for the day. it was hard, because i felt like i was a mom, if only in the most technical sense. i made a child, brought him into the world, and needed to feel like i wasn't forgotten just because he wasn't with me anymore. phil was always sensitive to that and it just makes me love him all that much more.

it's so different now, because i'm a MOM mom. i feed him, i change his diapers, i wipe snot, clean up puke, bathe him, play, laugh, cuddle, and watch him grow on a daily basis. it makes me grateful that i made the choice i did, so that i get to fully experience motherhood the way it's meant to be experienced. i know if i had kept jacob's older brother that it wouldn't have been that way. and i am glad that i was wise enough to know that at the time. that what i would have been able to give him at the time would never compare to what she could give him. and i was absolutely right. she's amazing and i make sure to celebrate her every year. this year she sent me a mother's day card and a book on baby sign language to celebrate my first mother's day. it nearly brought me to tears.

so, in honor of today, i did the one thing i swore i would NEVER do for the first time ever, and hopefully, but not likely, the last. i licked my thumb and used it to wipe dried snot off of jacob's face. if that doesn't scream motherhood, i don't know what does.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

yeeeeeeeeeee-haw!

good news! phil starts a new job on monday. the only catch is that it's about 4 1/2 hours north of here, so he will probably only be home on weekends. but, with things the way they are, i am just grateful that he found work again so soon. it will definitely be an adjustment for the monkey and i, and i HATE being alone, especially at night, but i'm hoping it won't be so bad after a little while.

i'm so glad all of that worrying was for naught! phil hates that i always expect the worse, but the way i look at it, if you always expect the worst you won't be disappointed when it happens, and you will be pleasantly surprised when it doesn't. sounds crazy, but it works for me. and i always know in the back of my mind that things will be okay. maybe not the way i plan them to be, but okay nonetheless.

these boots are made for walkin'...

jacob,

today marks the day that i have decided to deem, "the day you took your first steps!" over the past few weeks you have been standing on your own. at first it was only for a couple of seconds, but as time goes by you stand for longer periods of time. within the last week you took a step, fell down, and crawled along on your merry way. today, however, you started taking 2, then 3 steps, until finally you took 5 whole steps! i am in no rush for you to be a walker, but i want you to know how very proud your daddy and i are. you continue to amaze me on a daily basis, little man.

smoochy mooch!

mama