month 5!

chunky monkey,

holy crap! you're 5 months old! that means that in 1 more month you will be 6 months old and then i think it's all downhill from there. you are getting bigger by the day, my baby boy, and i am not sure how well i am going to be able to cope with this. on one hand, i am so proud of you. you are absolutely amazing and your growth and development continues to astound me, but on the other hand, i can't help thinking that you aren't going to be my little baby for much longer. i know that sounds dramatic, being that you're only 5 months old, but what can i say? i am a bit dramatic at times. which you'll soon find out and then you and daddy can make fun of mama together. ;)

it was a couple of weeks after the first time you rolled over before you rolled over again, but now i can't set you on your belly without you rolling over. your favorite thing to do is roll halfway over and look around like, "hey ma! look what i can do." it is adorable. next step...sitting up!

i am probably going to jinx myself by saying this, but you have stopped squealing and boy am i happy about that! i mean, it was cute the first few times, but i was afraid it was going to become a habit that was only going to get worse. i am slightly relieved that you seem satisfied knowing that you can use your voice and that you now choose to do so quietly.

we have started giving you a little bit of solid food. for a little while, i would let you taste certain things...a piece of bacon, a french fry, ice cream, but that seemed to get a little out of hand, and i didn't want it to become a habit that everyone thought was okay. although i'm sure you would live if i continued to allow you to try that stuff, i don't want to upset your sensitive tummy, nor do i want you to choke, or end up overweight, so i decided that we would only give you baby food...rice cereal, veggies, or fruit. but don't worry, just as soon as you can start eating that stuff, grandma m will be right there feeding you! she is a bit obsessed. so don't worry, my little monkey, she's there for you. =)

the reason i said that i was afraid of jinxing myself as far as the squealing was concerned, is because as soon as i told people you were sleeping thru the night, you stopped. not only did you stop, but you started getting up TWICE a night again. and more recently, over the past few days, you have started getting up THREE times. THREE TIMES, MONKEY! at 11pm, 2pm, and 5pm. whew! you don't get up for long, and you just eat a little and pass right back out, but there's really no reason for it. i had daddy rock you to sleep without the boob once and it took you 20 minutes of crying to do so. not so bad, but i just find it easier to feed you than to let you cry. it may only take a few times of letting you cry to break you of it, but you did wake up again 2 hours later wanting to eat again anyway. it's not too big of a deal to me at this point, so we'll see what i decide to do about that.

i think another reason i don't mind getting up with you is that i have become very, very attached to nursing you. i am so sad just thinking about the time that you don't or won't need my boob anymore. it is a special time for us and something that only i can do with you and i am going to have a hard time giving that up. i guess it will be my first lesson in learning to let go. even when i am away from you for an hour i start to feel a little empty, like something is missing. don't get me wrong, i need time to myself and i love being able to take an hour or so here and there, but it never feels quite right. i don't even know what i would do with myself if i couldn't stay at home with you. daddy has created a monster.

i am not sure how much you weigh since you didn't have a doctor's appointment this month, but i can tell you that you are wearing some 12 month clothes and will not fit in your snugli for much longer. that is a shame, but i think we can hold off for another month when you will be sitting up on your own. then you can sit in the grocery cart, and will hopefully be more content to sit on the floor and play with your toys. we will see!

keep smiling, my beautiful boy. it makes my day.

love,
mama