unplugged

so for those of you that are just dying to know (anyone?)...i lost part of my mucous plug yesterday. mmm...mucous. such a great word. but newayz! being that last week i was at 2, and i lost part of my mucous plug, i had expected some sort of progress, but lo and behold, it was not meant to be. i am still right where i was last week. the doctor even had the nerve to talk about induction (may 29th if i don't have him by my due date - may 22nd) while he was ramming his fist up my nether region. it better not get to that point, because i'm sorry - i know it sounds selfish - but i cannot gain any more weight. i am not fucking around! there is no way i am allowing this pregnancy to go on any longer than absolutely necessary and may 29th is far beyond that point!!!

in less horrifically selfish news (but really, can you blame me? i mean, the monkey is healthy, almost 7 lbs in fact, so it's not like i'm starving the boy!), i just went and got the hottest damn pedicure i've ever had. i never knew pedicures could be so hot. in fact, i almost screamed, "for the love of god, someone please put on the fucking air conditioning before i melt!!!" there was hot water, hot stones, hot towels, i mean COME ON! my legs and ankles were visibly swelling before their very eyes and no one thought to put on some damn AC. finally, about 2 minutes before i left, i got a bottle of cold water. which i may or may not have drank in 2 swallows.

as fascinating as this all is to you, my very few, dear readers...it is time to go watch me some intervention. pure comedy. sad, sad comedy, but comedy nonetheless.