Tuesday, April 29, 2008

not funny!

husband: "maybe we're having twins."

me: "HA! HAHAHAHA! no, i don't think so. i would be gigantic at this point. plus, they only hear one heartbeat."

husband: "maybe because they're only listening for one. maybe the first ultrasound showed the girl and the second showed the boy. maybe there's 2 babies in there!!!"


Monday, April 28, 2008


so for those of you that are just dying to know (anyone?)...i lost part of my mucous plug yesterday. mmm...mucous. such a great word. but newayz! being that last week i was at 2, and i lost part of my mucous plug, i had expected some sort of progress, but lo and behold, it was not meant to be. i am still right where i was last week. the doctor even had the nerve to talk about induction (may 29th if i don't have him by my due date - may 22nd) while he was ramming his fist up my nether region. it better not get to that point, because i'm sorry - i know it sounds selfish - but i cannot gain any more weight. i am not fucking around! there is no way i am allowing this pregnancy to go on any longer than absolutely necessary and may 29th is far beyond that point!!!

in less horrifically selfish news (but really, can you blame me? i mean, the monkey is healthy, almost 7 lbs in fact, so it's not like i'm starving the boy!), i just went and got the hottest damn pedicure i've ever had. i never knew pedicures could be so hot. in fact, i almost screamed, "for the love of god, someone please put on the fucking air conditioning before i melt!!!" there was hot water, hot stones, hot towels, i mean COME ON! my legs and ankles were visibly swelling before their very eyes and no one thought to put on some damn AC. finally, about 2 minutes before i left, i got a bottle of cold water. which i may or may not have drank in 2 swallows.

as fascinating as this all is to you, my very few, dear is time to go watch me some intervention. pure comedy. sad, sad comedy, but comedy nonetheless.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

dream weaver

first of all, i'd like to say that i was woken up at 7:15am this morning by my dog licking the back of my neck. 7:15am. so now here i am typing this damn thing when i should be enjoying my last few days of sleep before monkey's arrival. SHOOT! that dog is lucky i love her.

also, i have not had one dream about the monkey since we found out it was a girl (long story, most of you reading this should already know). not even a baby mama dream where i leave him in the shopping cart and walk out of the grocery store. nada! speaking of baby mama - totally want to see that movie. has anyone seen it? should i suffer through 2 hours 8 months pregnant to see it?

but newayz! i am starting to get to the point where i've realized that HOLY SHIT i am about to have a baby! not in a, "i can't handle this, what am i going to do?!" kind of way, but more along the lines of, "WOW, i am finally going to get to hold this little monkey i have been making for 9 months" kind of way. and i'm excited, anxious, and exhilarated all at the same time. i just wish i knew when it was going to go down. and that it would happen soon! i should probably go out and do something that i don't want to go into labor doing, and BLAM! i'd go into labor. too bad i'm too lazy for all that. think i'll take a walk instead. ;)

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

28 days or less...

...or 4 weeks, as of today. according to the doctor on monday the surface of my cervix is dilated 2 cm, but it's still closed. not much else to report except that i just spent $90 on two of the ugliest bras i've ever seen. and of course, the lady assisting me advised me to pass on the one bra that made me still feel human instead of like a damn milk machine. go figure. goodbye victoria's secret, i will miss you! i will miss your pretty pink panties, and your supremely flattering body by victoria bras, and your ridiculously expensive lingerie. maybe one day we shall meet again. if my f cups ever shrink back down to a tolerable size. baby making is so hotttttt. ta ta for now!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

it's about time...

hello out there in cyberspace! i am not promising i'm going to be any good at this blogging thing. in fact, i am still in denial that i have even taken the steps required to create this blog, but i'm going to give it a shot. i may offend you, i may bore you, i may go on and on about my child and nothing more, but you know what? it's my blog and i can do whatever i damn well please. however, the purpose of this is really only to document for myself, due to my rapidly diminishing memory, the life of my monkey. i'd like to be able to look back and see how i really felt about the beginning stages of motherhood before i go getting knocked up again. he should be here soon...34 days to be exact...and i'm dying to meet him. farewell for now. =)